Better poet

I want to see inside of myself,
your pupils,
sorry to say,
are just not good enough,
for me, right now.
I have to get up,
look in the miiror hanging,
disturbed on your wall,
stare inside of me,
turn your lamp a little on,
because i can't see anything.
Not in your eyes,
The lamp on high,
nothing in mine. >>>>>>
All I want, to be a better poet.
I am quit contrite,
Sit where I might,
talk as loud as a can,
say what I want,
I just want to be a better poet.

Spine the jagermiester

Spine the jagermiester




Spine the jagermiester

You showed me to her.

She knits you pit you pout.

You wedge yourself under the couch.

Then descend from which you were .

Into the cool bed or air, which ever you call it.

You call demise it whatever.

However the glass the girl hurts more.

Gargantuan hiatus falsetto jagged in my head you are.

She 'don't know which you are which you were.

You stance exotic garages.

Halt at picturesque haunts.

Color me in the head.

With colors.

Stalking my ego.

There is a path not taken-lyrics

THERE IS A PATH NOT TAKEN

I cant remember the days as they get longer
I feel tacked to the wall
Is there a purpose to it all
is there a purpose to it all

Lost days of pity
Clod and contrived
Bitter dreaming
Unwilling confined

is there a propose to it all

Is there a path not taken
If so it is far and shaded
is there a purpose to it all
is there a purpose to it all

Lost days of pity
cold and contrived
bitter dreaming
unwilling confined

is there a purpose to it all

pink turns into grey
grey turns into black
is there a purpose to it all
is there a purpose to it all

Lost days of pity
Cold and contrived
Bitter dreaming
Unwilling confined

Is there a purpose to it all

Cant control the facts anymore
Life is useless without you standing at my door
Is there a purpose to it all
is there a purpose

is there a purpose
is there a purpose to it all
is there a purpose
to it all

Corner's of our smiles's

The perfect touch
The buttons of you white collared shirt
What matters now, as long as thought's fade away
We don't know if we are happy up here
Blowing like paper
Your eyes change color, with the sky, as the sun disappears
The sunset gets you sad, when the stars appear
We're not sure how everyone begins, as we never look around us anymore
Feel's the corner's of our smiles' are just corner's, going nowhere.

Cold on the inside-lyrics

Cold on the inside>>>---
Cold on the outside>>>---
Warm on the world>>>---
Cold out the world>>>---
Too many songs sung>>>---
I'm making my own one>>>---
(pause)
I listen intently>>>---
I hear it breathing>>>---
Out my lungs>>>---
I sing it good>>>---
Play it good>>>---
Hit the strings>>>---
Down and up>>>---
Down, Down>>>--
Down and Up>>>---
Down, Down>>>--
All UP in my Panic>>>---
Oh, it feels...sooo goood...>>>----
(pause)
The world doesn't belong to everyone... >>>---
It does to you....>>>---Cold on the inside>>>---
Cold on the outside>>>---
Warm on the world>>>---
Cold out the world>>>---

Boozing

And it takes two day's to overcome the boozing.

I don't know why, when I end from a night with you,

I am in a slump of aggression.

Laying in bed for day's long,

who knows how long,

when time is yours,

and yours' only.

I don't know why when I am with you,

I always end up in this state of mind.

Where I'm in denial of who I am,

or where I'm going.

And I've been there before,

where I can't overcome the boozing.

Because nowhere do I exist,

out of mind for that moment.

Dedicating my every move to you,

my soul that's been gone for that moment,

and soon too long to be true.

Don't want to die this way,

or end up with a person like you.

Something smells

There's nothing inside me that can write.
Nothing but this smell that wont go away,
this smell that is inside my body.
I'm not sure where it came from,
where it's going.
Why it's still here.
Why it's inside my body.
Is it death, feels like it sometimes.
It's not life, that I know, or maybe.
So what is this smell inside me.
Every which way I turn,
every which person I go to,
I smell the same thing.
It is almost a burning wood chip smell,
burning, but not hot, neutral.
No one I talk to can smell it on me,
its all iI know.
It smells bad,
but good because I'm fond of it now.
When I breath in,
it is different than when I breath out,
it is more intense the feeling I feel.
I don't smell anything else around,
except the insides of myself.
And when it goes I believe i will lose.
And nothing to write.
Or maybe something better.
Something better will come.
But who knows.
I never do.

NEW LIFE

Where once i saw a Cliff

Descending down i wanted

The smell uprising

Single I was no one pushing

Help me before I jump

Someone does

Who knows who it was

The rising hand from below pushed me up

No longer did the falling feeling I wanted so much

I left a new light that day

A new life

The Clock

THE CLOCK

Round clocks tell their time______________________________________________________________________

But not in my mind_________________________________________

They tell their stories_______________________________________

But I can not tell mine______________________________________

The time lines are hard to see_______________________________

I can not remember the years_______________________________

I get jealous of those who remember theirs______________________

But I've done things to make me black out_______________________

I live in haste_____________________________________________

And baste in my own shame and guilt__________________________
I can not erase___________________________________________

And I try so hard _________________________________________________

To release it's energy______________________________________________

But my mind is stuck______________________________________________

In a time stopped clock____________________________________________

Broken at midnight________________________________________________

Parchment forever

Exhale my foreverness

Who will watch me die

A thousand, billion, trillion words spoken before

so what now

what now

Paintings, poetry, letters,

paper, canvas, parchment

whatever

Forever exhaled

LOVE AT DISNEYLAND

Do you remember that time in L.A. We went to Disneyland on the contrary it was raining. It was february, my birthday. We strolled throughout the park hand in hand, and held each other tight through the dark mystic park rides in fantasyland, you would whisper in my ear, "I love you," and at the end we would jump out and run back in line... Do you remember the fresh popcorn smell at each corner we turn, the fresh pastries baking at the Blue Ribbon coffee shop. Our ritual iced mocha's, and main-street corn dogs. Then cramps as we -hop -skip -jump to Space Mountain! Then Way over to to the Haunted Mansion! Hand in hand everywhere forever go on like this, but at the end we share a delicious fantasia ice cream waffle cone.

The deeper the pain, the shame, the regret>>>--- The deeper the memories and the falling outs>>>--- The light shines in the middle of your heart>>>--- It wants to burst out>>>--- It hurts like a gull stone>>>--- Let your light out>>>-

out of control-lyrics

She's been out of control again,
and no ones around,
she's been turning in her head,
beating herself down.
Now let's get going,
to take you away,
let's go run a muck
towards my house
where everything is safe.
She's out of control again,
and no one's around,
she's been turning in her head,
beating herself down.
Now lets go, I'm here,
to take you away,
let's run a muck
towards my house,
turn off the t.v.
Let's get going,
over and around
the bend,
with our 40's
in our hands.
She's been
out of control again,
and no one's around,
she's been
turning in her
head, beating
herself down.

grieving girl-lyrics

There are some thing's far from fair, in our lives>> Poor grieving girl.... There's no preparing for death, don't need to let it rest,>>> Poor grieving girl..... But don't deny happiness, or shy away from us>>> Poor grieving girl... If there was anything, I would give you the world, and more>>> Poor grieving girl.... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------And it wont get any easier, It just hurts, and hurts, there is only one mother>>> If there was anything, I would give you the world and more.... Poor grieving girl... Poor grieving girl... My grieving...

the rainiest man

One rainy day,

pass across the bus bench,

no cover rooftop,

no walls,

safety net. Man,

grey under soppy hat with beaten down sideburns,

reach his frown.

"Here sir, my umbrella,"

No need for mine,

home just a block way.

The rain will fall forever anyway,

her pace will race the rain away,

dry pace by pace.

As he drowns on his bench.

ah but with his new found umbrella.

And I hope he has dinner waiting on the table,

a wife to sit with,

Or just a remembrance will do,

which is enough sometimes to make us happy.

Bloks to heaven

blocks to heaven.

holding the dooroff.

the rollar coaster stops.

whiplash.

Fuck this.

I'm not too short, 5'2, 110 lbs.

He says, " you arer sacreligios, you have an upside down cross straming down the spine of your back."

I walk away,

no matter.

Rollar coster dream's. That go nowhere,

sometimes into the sky, to nowhere.

Only scars of reality, is what is there.

cock on the arm, snail shell for it to hide in for squeezing into, buta throttle for fucking.

A Theo Jansen´s mechanism

this is how my mind is....

MUSIC FEELS

Happier music

gets you up

downer music

gets you down

driving around gets you high

pigtails bounce

you around

when you listen

to joy division

panic music

downer lyrics dont get you down

upper music

makes pannic

feels good

her shiba-inu

She shed layers of skin walking her dog across the green line on a shady day. The cloudsgreys look permanent but fades away as she walks her dog. The heavens look real, like the dark is nothing at all. She can touch her face for the first time, feel beauty in her rise, the evil fall. Her shiba-inu leads her, has a head start. Fox-faced, curled-matted tail, fox teeth, gold for fur. They run run, run, like never before, go , go , go......But she's got to slow down. The Anthropomorphism, the existentialism, feel the love, over analyze the world. The beauty in nature, let her shiba inu sniff what ever she wants to....

BENEATH OUR LEGS

Shadows fallling beneath our legs, used to run from them. Now we laugh at them. I don't change. I do, I guess I never thought I'de lose you. I feel as if they are after me again. I'm at the same start, the same begining. My heart is pounding. Shut the door > Lock them out. I was winning, Now i'm drowning, > I was winning.------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Words out the window once again are they listening, they/no one can here. It was in our old world > none of tems'. When we were together.

Trenches of love

Defiantly ,Defiantly, back and forth, haven't seen you forever. Trenches hold our lives' together. And if that is good , it is good. Defiant trenches with our everything stuck, hiding for cover, fighting it for us forever. But we take it, get up, walk toward the war between each-other, toward the barricades, emotionally, blackout. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The trench Defiantly, stuck there, stuck from a promise. Back and forth,feels like we haven't seen each-other forever, haven't battled the field of weirdness in a while, but our trench will hold us down for now, our barricades black us out.

BIPOLAR

ROLLING FORWARD

Rolling forward from a backward life. do things get weird from here?......... We can talk of having no future, as if there is no tomorrow and dot, dot, dot. But I am twisted in two sets of life, the past history, and the way I roll forward every time. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Listen slowly, I can't emotionally figure things out. I put ligaments around my neck. I tighten it slowly, like i said , i listen slowly to the tightening sound it makes against my skin, the extension cords wrapped, never too tight to where I'm dead. I am the passenger, the right side of the car, always looking left, then straight, and tightning, sqeuezing the cord around my neck.----------------------------------------------------------------------------Not this time, all yet by yet, the past history crawls the scars that reach across my neck, I roll forward as a motivator, passenger, no matter where the car takes us . Tight extension cord blessed to be missed.

SMOKE OUT THE WINDOW

The smoke goes out the window, like out my head. On one lonely day turns into evening. Fractions, Broken emotions tying you down. Forgetting is impossible, and so is moving on. Look in the mirror, smash it in. See one shitty eye closed, too many faces, blunt minds. Hope or happiness is non existent. You hear nothing, when always people leave you behind, because they never say always, or do they? Minds fractured, blaming, demising, plotting is demise. Even as sick as i am, i can not help but love such weirdness freakish nature.