Parchment forever

Exhale my foreverness

Who will watch me die

A thousand, billion, trillion words spoken before

so what now

what now

Paintings, poetry, letters,

paper, canvas, parchment

whatever

Forever exhaled

LOVE AT DISNEYLAND

Do you remember that time in L.A. We went to Disneyland on the contrary it was raining. It was february, my birthday. We strolled throughout the park hand in hand, and held each other tight through the dark mystic park rides in fantasyland, you would whisper in my ear, "I love you," and at the end we would jump out and run back in line... Do you remember the fresh popcorn smell at each corner we turn, the fresh pastries baking at the Blue Ribbon coffee shop. Our ritual iced mocha's, and main-street corn dogs. Then cramps as we -hop -skip -jump to Space Mountain! Then Way over to to the Haunted Mansion! Hand in hand everywhere forever go on like this, but at the end we share a delicious fantasia ice cream waffle cone.

The deeper the pain, the shame, the regret>>>--- The deeper the memories and the falling outs>>>--- The light shines in the middle of your heart>>>--- It wants to burst out>>>--- It hurts like a gull stone>>>--- Let your light out>>>-

out of control-lyrics

She's been out of control again,
and no ones around,
she's been turning in her head,
beating herself down.
Now let's get going,
to take you away,
let's go run a muck
towards my house
where everything is safe.
She's out of control again,
and no one's around,
she's been turning in her head,
beating herself down.
Now lets go, I'm here,
to take you away,
let's run a muck
towards my house,
turn off the t.v.
Let's get going,
over and around
the bend,
with our 40's
in our hands.
She's been
out of control again,
and no one's around,
she's been
turning in her
head, beating
herself down.

grieving girl-lyrics

There are some thing's far from fair, in our lives>> Poor grieving girl.... There's no preparing for death, don't need to let it rest,>>> Poor grieving girl..... But don't deny happiness, or shy away from us>>> Poor grieving girl... If there was anything, I would give you the world, and more>>> Poor grieving girl.... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------And it wont get any easier, It just hurts, and hurts, there is only one mother>>> If there was anything, I would give you the world and more.... Poor grieving girl... Poor grieving girl... My grieving...

the rainiest man

One rainy day,

pass across the bus bench,

no cover rooftop,

no walls,

safety net. Man,

grey under soppy hat with beaten down sideburns,

reach his frown.

"Here sir, my umbrella,"

No need for mine,

home just a block way.

The rain will fall forever anyway,

her pace will race the rain away,

dry pace by pace.

As he drowns on his bench.

ah but with his new found umbrella.

And I hope he has dinner waiting on the table,

a wife to sit with,

Or just a remembrance will do,

which is enough sometimes to make us happy.

Bloks to heaven

blocks to heaven.

holding the dooroff.

the rollar coaster stops.

whiplash.

Fuck this.

I'm not too short, 5'2, 110 lbs.

He says, " you arer sacreligios, you have an upside down cross straming down the spine of your back."

I walk away,

no matter.

Rollar coster dream's. That go nowhere,

sometimes into the sky, to nowhere.

Only scars of reality, is what is there.

cock on the arm, snail shell for it to hide in for squeezing into, buta throttle for fucking.

A Theo Jansen´s mechanism

this is how my mind is....

MUSIC FEELS

Happier music

gets you up

downer music

gets you down

driving around gets you high

pigtails bounce

you around

when you listen

to joy division

panic music

downer lyrics dont get you down

upper music

makes pannic

feels good

her shiba-inu

She shed layers of skin walking her dog across the green line on a shady day. The cloudsgreys look permanent but fades away as she walks her dog. The heavens look real, like the dark is nothing at all. She can touch her face for the first time, feel beauty in her rise, the evil fall. Her shiba-inu leads her, has a head start. Fox-faced, curled-matted tail, fox teeth, gold for fur. They run run, run, like never before, go , go , go......But she's got to slow down. The Anthropomorphism, the existentialism, feel the love, over analyze the world. The beauty in nature, let her shiba inu sniff what ever she wants to....

BENEATH OUR LEGS

Shadows fallling beneath our legs, used to run from them. Now we laugh at them. I don't change. I do, I guess I never thought I'de lose you. I feel as if they are after me again. I'm at the same start, the same begining. My heart is pounding. Shut the door > Lock them out. I was winning, Now i'm drowning, > I was winning.------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Words out the window once again are they listening, they/no one can here. It was in our old world > none of tems'. When we were together.

Trenches of love

Defiantly ,Defiantly, back and forth, haven't seen you forever. Trenches hold our lives' together. And if that is good , it is good. Defiant trenches with our everything stuck, hiding for cover, fighting it for us forever. But we take it, get up, walk toward the war between each-other, toward the barricades, emotionally, blackout. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The trench Defiantly, stuck there, stuck from a promise. Back and forth,feels like we haven't seen each-other forever, haven't battled the field of weirdness in a while, but our trench will hold us down for now, our barricades black us out.

BIPOLAR

ROLLING FORWARD

Rolling forward from a backward life. do things get weird from here?......... We can talk of having no future, as if there is no tomorrow and dot, dot, dot. But I am twisted in two sets of life, the past history, and the way I roll forward every time. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Listen slowly, I can't emotionally figure things out. I put ligaments around my neck. I tighten it slowly, like i said , i listen slowly to the tightening sound it makes against my skin, the extension cords wrapped, never too tight to where I'm dead. I am the passenger, the right side of the car, always looking left, then straight, and tightning, sqeuezing the cord around my neck.----------------------------------------------------------------------------Not this time, all yet by yet, the past history crawls the scars that reach across my neck, I roll forward as a motivator, passenger, no matter where the car takes us . Tight extension cord blessed to be missed.

SMOKE OUT THE WINDOW

The smoke goes out the window, like out my head. On one lonely day turns into evening. Fractions, Broken emotions tying you down. Forgetting is impossible, and so is moving on. Look in the mirror, smash it in. See one shitty eye closed, too many faces, blunt minds. Hope or happiness is non existent. You hear nothing, when always people leave you behind, because they never say always, or do they? Minds fractured, blaming, demising, plotting is demise. Even as sick as i am, i can not help but love such weirdness freakish nature.

Dashboard of cloudsgrey car

You can not count on your self.

What ever happens, you see in pictures.

Seemingless pictures, with no faces, only landscapes, with color, grasses.

Faces mean emotin, wrinkes, moles, frecles.

Who needs anyone. lonliness is you.

Pick up this. pick that up tooo.

Kick shit aroun. Find it, found it. Sit down, Can't stand still.

Stop. You want to. But you will die. no. but maybe.

light isn't light but it is always light

Light isn't light if it isn't light. Of corse. But it is. Light is light where ever the light's are off. In your head the lights are off, the light are on. You can't turn them off. In your head the shadows are lighter than your body. Jump. Jump out, turn. Run. Get in her car, who cares she is no one. What's this? Who are you she says ... "Take me away from this god for satan place." The dark follows. -And can she get her through this, can she get her through this, who are you. Best friends. She can do this.

Still- the likeliness of the sun is blinding. It is energizing, -forgetting, -staring like paranoia. Encompassing like your mother. Always there, for now. Then dies. Before, or after you. Unknown. Internally god is fooling us, combusting us, demising us. Beginning new prophets, -republicans. The democracy demise of a world which can be growing. ----------------------------------------------Then she says, " Oh, well," sit back, wait. Nothing doing.. Got other shit to do. Cus us all, Oh well.

all things considered

All things are there - they are not always objects -the are atmospheres - kaleidoscopes -mile afar, or apart - or standing eye to eye, nose to nose, touching. Reach you arms around. KISS. A first kiss - and if not, let it be. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Forget the world when you are with your lover. Forget the world if you are a loner. No one exist. You do. It's your turn to inspire the ones you most once had hate. Start motivating. Who cares what people think.

no death

You don't have to die. I don't care what you've done , broken a heart hurt hard on someone. But People get over it, we are built to be strong, you are too. You may have cut yourself, but you will heal, and you will be stronger in the years, so many years it will be to figure yourself out, thick it through. But you don't have to die! The world, it wants you! It say's to you, the sky stays put to hold you down. The people you hate, really are inspiring, and are there for you to motivate. And medication isn't scary, some people need it. But you don't have to die, seriously. Everything loves you.

Kitty be at will

Kitty festered, hangnail bleeding, across my shoulder she rest her knee. She stares formally out the window toward a Nome or something? Kitty be, be at will, be at will, but i guess be what will you will be. I love you most at what you are, feisty, fucking shit up, scratching me. meow..... : my kitty stares the may fly, the may fly twitles blithers bout the wall face croocked weird, hitting the wall. kitty flys high, catches the bastard! GO KITTY

blue happen

Something happen'
Blue as day, in the sky, -day.
Blue as night, in the sky -night.
or dusk, what ever you might.
Your blue is your blue, what ever you will.
So something happen.
What made you blue?

EDIT\LIFE

Four hour ago gashes hit the wall.
Fingers jarred the exhaled breath
Breathing was thick and bloody
Smoking wasn't easy
Vomiting never decreased, lost it's motion, or flavor.
Edit life.

Sitting in the hospital no remembrance of ambulance.
Heard the sirens from the beginning.
Time to edit life for they are calling.
Not your name, but your headache.
Option climb the tree.
Edit life.

you and me.