Saturday, December 6, 2014
Monday, September 9, 2013
Heart
The heart is raw
And in complete mode of healing
I am not tired of being lonely
Because I'm not
And in complete mode of healing
I am not tired of being lonely
Because I'm not
Where is Normal?
In the whole
I don't know
Where is the place to go?
I am still swallowing shit
And my nerves are shot
And this is so hard to write
I am fearing mania tonight
Nothing moves but me
And hyper tension is mandatory
To get things done
But I don't like the feeling
My nerves are shot and taunting me
And there is no way out
To any feelings
The fear alone is daunting
And I can't produce relaxation
In my body
So I walk
And I get happy
That blows into hyper activity
But I know it is right
The freaky feelings
But I want them to stop
Need a trip to the psychiatrist
Two days wait
I can not wait
For a drug to work its self in my body
To calm my nerves and fear
I need something
What I have isn't enough
To get rid of my feelings
I am no longer the same
So different
And so far away from everybody
They say, "tone it down,"
But i don't have control to my body
Or my feelings
That rise up madness
I am intertwined by madness
That will not help me
To go to where I am to go
And I just don't know
When I will start falling
Help is on it's way though
I just have to wait patiently
For a normal feeling
I don't know
Where is the place to go?
I am still swallowing shit
And my nerves are shot
And this is so hard to write
I am fearing mania tonight
Nothing moves but me
And hyper tension is mandatory
To get things done
But I don't like the feeling
My nerves are shot and taunting me
And there is no way out
To any feelings
The fear alone is daunting
And I can't produce relaxation
In my body
So I walk
And I get happy
That blows into hyper activity
But I know it is right
The freaky feelings
But I want them to stop
Need a trip to the psychiatrist
Two days wait
I can not wait
For a drug to work its self in my body
To calm my nerves and fear
I need something
What I have isn't enough
To get rid of my feelings
I am no longer the same
So different
And so far away from everybody
They say, "tone it down,"
But i don't have control to my body
Or my feelings
That rise up madness
I am intertwined by madness
That will not help me
To go to where I am to go
And I just don't know
When I will start falling
Help is on it's way though
I just have to wait patiently
For a normal feeling
It's Time
Going towards something so scary
The future
My mind is on coffee
But I can only drink decaf
From all the times my heart exploded
And lost my identity
Now it is so slow
The days keep going
And I really don't want to go with them
But living is the only thing that breathes
And I have been suffocating
Under a tarp that is heavy
I don't know my way yet
And it is so scary
To know I can fall
Back into depression
All I know is something is right
But I don't see the right
And I still loath the ongoing call of my name
It isn't right
All I know is all the shame
I put on my brothers and friends
I want to walk away with a smile
But my dear old self is still inside
Waiting
Waiting
For my blood to be clean
So I can sleep at least one night without getting up
It's a terrible thing, blood
My body on the right side gets numb
Then creepy crawlies enter my legs
It is so not the same
As when I was in my mid 20's
It's not the same game
And I have to go now for my stability
To doctors and group therapy
For years I don't know
I just have to keep the ball running
For my life is at stake
And everyone is nice
I am glad to say
But the window is only open till mid night
All the day's are not the same
As I increase and decrease my energy
I can't fall
I just can't
Or everything I have done till now
From 16 days ago
Has turned around
A new person
Which is me
Who has found a light of source before me
I woke too late to get this internally
I will wash away the bad
And watch it dissipate
And be late all over again with warning
Today is something of sun and it feels wonderful on my body
Ill gather my things and go already
It is time
Time to get going
Reminding myself it is okay
To be free of the evil
That sent me down the narrow halls
I am breathing now
So it is time to go
The future
My mind is on coffee
But I can only drink decaf
From all the times my heart exploded
And lost my identity
Now it is so slow
The days keep going
And I really don't want to go with them
But living is the only thing that breathes
And I have been suffocating
Under a tarp that is heavy
I don't know my way yet
And it is so scary
To know I can fall
Back into depression
All I know is something is right
But I don't see the right
And I still loath the ongoing call of my name
It isn't right
All I know is all the shame
I put on my brothers and friends
I want to walk away with a smile
But my dear old self is still inside
Waiting
Waiting
For my blood to be clean
So I can sleep at least one night without getting up
It's a terrible thing, blood
My body on the right side gets numb
Then creepy crawlies enter my legs
It is so not the same
As when I was in my mid 20's
It's not the same game
And I have to go now for my stability
To doctors and group therapy
For years I don't know
I just have to keep the ball running
For my life is at stake
And everyone is nice
I am glad to say
But the window is only open till mid night
All the day's are not the same
As I increase and decrease my energy
I can't fall
I just can't
Or everything I have done till now
From 16 days ago
Has turned around
A new person
Which is me
Who has found a light of source before me
I woke too late to get this internally
I will wash away the bad
And watch it dissipate
And be late all over again with warning
Today is something of sun and it feels wonderful on my body
Ill gather my things and go already
It is time
Time to get going
Reminding myself it is okay
To be free of the evil
That sent me down the narrow halls
I am breathing now
So it is time to go
Roaming World
As the day folds into my gut
I watch the pigeons wobble
And there is no front
To what I know
There is no backwards way to go
Just this cigarette that holds me down
From roaming the world
I watch the pigeons wobble
And there is no front
To what I know
There is no backwards way to go
Just this cigarette that holds me down
From roaming the world
She is Silent
There she is
In the silent
And her breath is short, her heart is beating
Can't get away from the noises
But she is silent
And she is brave
The letters didn't do much
The letters from back home
She misses everyone
But can't go back
And every time the moon is full she is in danger of herself
The bright round object that holds her tight
She doesn't like
Tight is her be-whiching
There is a girl
And she is in the silence
Running from the noises
But she can't get too far without money
And her life is on the line
Somebody hated her
But it wasn't for long
And she took a wave out into the ocean
And almost drowned
I can't be her protector
Or can I?
I lead such distance from myself
And slide by the reality of time
Silent woman
In the open wound of everything
Nothing is dark with the moon so full
And she mosey's down the corridors of the hallways
Not thinking about the future
Is it right or wrong?
To be so forever
Lost in the world of this world
She lost her happiness
And fell to the ground
Without her, nobody knows
Knows what is to be better
As she climbs the wall up
She is climbing
And undependable
Where is the moon now
When I haven't got a clue
To what is important
She lifts herself up
And she tinkers on the level
Of broken and brave
Only together we will get on the same page
And it doesn't matter that she and I are the same
My motions are slowly learning
To understand what has been missing
If only someone knew the truth
To what Iv'e become
Become so blue
And unsteady of general life
She is in the silence
Poking her head out
And I wish her well
As things turn into hell
I am with her as the sun rises
That is what I came here for
And nothing in this life has been useful
Get it on
Get it on
The first foot first
Left and then right
Can she return
Into the glory of sunlight
While the monster haunts her
Not a delight
The tremors
The tremors
Not a delight
She is silent walking, strolling
And there isn't a car in sight
A lonely road, OH!
And she must go good-night
From the nasty war
In her sight
Whatever there is
There is a nothing
And the nothing is sore
Together we can fight
This nasty war
On to the first
Left and then right
Going into battle now and still so silent
What a waste of time
I can't gather
Death
It is in my eyes
And I am scared as she is brave
Id'e like to catch up to her and start a conversation
But like her I am too, silent
Picking up lost pieces of life
And I can't run or I'll lose my loved ones
But she is so tight
I am loose to a certain point
Loss of words, and loss from the important part of life
I will find her
And we will gather up the parts that merge
Because it is the only point
In the silent
And her breath is short, her heart is beating
Can't get away from the noises
But she is silent
And she is brave
The letters didn't do much
The letters from back home
She misses everyone
But can't go back
And every time the moon is full she is in danger of herself
The bright round object that holds her tight
She doesn't like
Tight is her be-whiching
There is a girl
And she is in the silence
Running from the noises
But she can't get too far without money
And her life is on the line
Somebody hated her
But it wasn't for long
And she took a wave out into the ocean
And almost drowned
I can't be her protector
Or can I?
I lead such distance from myself
And slide by the reality of time
Silent woman
In the open wound of everything
Nothing is dark with the moon so full
And she mosey's down the corridors of the hallways
Not thinking about the future
Is it right or wrong?
To be so forever
Lost in the world of this world
She lost her happiness
And fell to the ground
Without her, nobody knows
Knows what is to be better
As she climbs the wall up
She is climbing
And undependable
Where is the moon now
When I haven't got a clue
To what is important
She lifts herself up
And she tinkers on the level
Of broken and brave
Only together we will get on the same page
And it doesn't matter that she and I are the same
My motions are slowly learning
To understand what has been missing
If only someone knew the truth
To what Iv'e become
Become so blue
And unsteady of general life
She is in the silence
Poking her head out
And I wish her well
As things turn into hell
I am with her as the sun rises
That is what I came here for
And nothing in this life has been useful
Get it on
Get it on
The first foot first
Left and then right
Can she return
Into the glory of sunlight
While the monster haunts her
Not a delight
The tremors
The tremors
Not a delight
She is silent walking, strolling
And there isn't a car in sight
A lonely road, OH!
And she must go good-night
From the nasty war
In her sight
Whatever there is
There is a nothing
And the nothing is sore
Together we can fight
This nasty war
On to the first
Left and then right
Going into battle now and still so silent
What a waste of time
I can't gather
Death
It is in my eyes
And I am scared as she is brave
Id'e like to catch up to her and start a conversation
But like her I am too, silent
Picking up lost pieces of life
And I can't run or I'll lose my loved ones
But she is so tight
I am loose to a certain point
Loss of words, and loss from the important part of life
I will find her
And we will gather up the parts that merge
Because it is the only point
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
shallow ground
one step out beneath the other
it faded quick
crashing down i went
holding out my arms
holding in my breath
i caught myself
but scabbed my knee
shallow ground
was to shallow for me
it faded quick
crashing down i went
holding out my arms
holding in my breath
i caught myself
but scabbed my knee
shallow ground
was to shallow for me
Not a realization
Case is not knowing
Fact is not caring
Mystery outgoing
Ambitions internal
Figure it out
And let it be
Let it bleed, so to say
And keep up not caring
Forever is long
Stop looking
Desert bleak
City smoggy
Ambition internal
Now out going
Towards the motel
Back behind
From start of day
Go in the door
After key unlocks
Plop yourself on the bed
With an awaiting friend
Lowest click, dimmest light
Cigarette lit ashen
Needles strewn about
Spoon awaiting
Drawers empty
But a bible
One nights pay
A low income
Embers outside
The window peering
Above the air conditioner unit
Thats all we see
Bloody trails
Blacken bruises
Missed hits
In the heartbreak motel
I Love You
You don’t open up.
It make’s thing’s oh so difficult.
I tried to tell you.
That it will set you free.
To speak the feeling’s you wish you could speak.
You build up,
congested self you eat.
-Say I love you,
it will set you free.
They already know,
they know already.
You complicate thing’s.
-Say I love you,
because you do.
It’s not a lie,
it’s the truth,
it’s how you feel.
It will set you free,
I am telling you.
The Ghost
Crystal ghost is down my throat again
pounding at my heart
I regain power again
to undo all my faults
Time time time
is all I have
Days to plan
my system go
-k.j.r.
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